frustration

Have you ever had one of those days when all seems to fall apart around you and you really really wonder why you even got out of bed that day... Well... I am having one of those.....

I am not going to give details as to what happened but I can tell you that I feel under attack in my own little life. I am having feelings that I am not wanted or accepted or even trusted at my place of work. It seems to me that I am being watched under a microscope and can't breathe with out being monitored. As no time in my entire life have I even been treated as if I could not be trusted. I don't enjoy being in the light for all to see. I just want to do my job without attention...positive or negative. I have always done my job to the best of my abilities and I thought without any or a small bit of supervisorion. I am very proud of this trait.

As I type, I weep. I want to go home and hide from the world. I hate feeling or thinking that my core values of being honest and trustworth are being questioned. I hurt from the sting. I yearn, I crave, and I desire confirmation that Im those things to which I should be as a christian and a loyal employee. I take pride in those things. I am exhausted from trying to figure out what this one person wants and why he seems to be watching me like a hawk. I can't seem to do anything right for him and he is always looking for my mistakes. Guess what, I am human and will make mistakes...
I feel as though I have failed my God, my family, and my job. It would be so easy to simply walk out and never come back but that is what the evil one desires. I will not give into His wants. It would be so much easier to give in to the depression but I will rise from this and give God all the glory in my life for what he has done and will also do for me. I may be hyper sensitive to my emotions right now because I am alone most of the time. With my family in another town, I reside by myself in an empty place. At work, the only other female has been moved to another office. I am lonely for sure....
I know that I am never alone but there are times when I allow doubt and despair to grip my soul and it takes a miracle to shake it loose. Who knew that the lack of my family and being in an office alone, would be so emotionally and physical stressing.

Please pray for me to have spiritual strength and to learn to seek confirmation from our Lord and Saviour. Just expecting them to do that, you are expecting them to fail. Humans and things are not capible of true satification and only the Lord can filfull your deeped desire and needs.


Psalms 138:8--
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12--
11With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. 12We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.[a]

Psalm 145:19--
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.


Thank you God for your support through scriptures in your holy words and all your love being given to me via the Holy spirit. I am in a hard place right now physically for it is not where I want to be. I know that God has a plan for my life and it is not in my timing. Please lift my whole family in prayer. Please pray that the Lord's will and plan will be fulfilled in our lives. I pray we will seek his face and see what he desires for our lives.







****DO YOU KNOW JESUS BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU. God knows every hair on your head (Luke 12:6-8 NIV:Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows), and he gave his only son for you John 3:16 KJV-For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.)
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Life in the three digit heat

My my my... where to start.....
Just when life was busy now it is getting busy and insane.... I am still in our old place while my kids and hubby are in the new. Since my last post, things have definitely been interesting... last week I got a call that my youngest decided to slide down the bannister. The start was good but the end was not... Just when you turn to do something... for one second.. something happens... in that time frame he decided to slide down the bannister with a crash finish near the bottom on his face... My mom in law return to a blood curling scream from a child that had a mouth full of blood. What could have happened in that time frame...? After some brief inquiry she discovered his adventurous fall and concluded that he had bit the side of his tongue badly... There really was nothing to do but give him a popscicle and tynenol for the pain... I can't imagine how scarry that had to be. Thank goodness that has been it for the most part... My inlaws are gearing up for my sisinlaws wedding this coming weekend... Its crazy around there right now. My spouse is also a coach on top of being a teacher in our new location and two a days started this week as well. It seems to be a mad house there... Last weekend we went to the big city to do some things that were needed for this event with both my littles in tow. It was a long day with them and all that had to be done. In all the rushing about, my bank card was lost or feared stolen. At one time, my youngest was into my wallet so I don't know if maybe that is what happened to it or what.... I cancelled it as soon as I noticed it was gone... Thank goodness I did.... I called the bank the next business day and they said that there was not unknown transactions on it... THANK YOU JESUS!!!
While my inlaws are going like crazy this week, I am working on a song for the wedding, trying to get a high maintenance manual completed as a gag for the bride and groom from her brother and dad, continually searching for a closer job, and all while I am at work on breaks. I am keeping busy... I have been in town everyday so far this week. Town is 30 minutes one way for me. Monday was our monthly ladies night, Tuesday was my dear friends send off dinner ;(, tonight is church, tomorrow is a Bachlor/Bachlorette party...don't know if I want to go or not, Friday is the rehearsal, then Saturday I have an annual ladies call to prayer meeting that morning, salon appointment at noon, and the wedding that evening. I can't wait until this is all done so that we can find out what normal was like.... I say that but we still don't know at this point. My family will all be starting school soon and here I am... just hanging loose... For the first week or so, it was nice to be able to sit back and do nothing if I wanted to... now it is getting really lonely and I don't have a desire to do anything but be with my family. I have sewn, cooked, cleaned, and even ventured to visit with my parents to occupy my time.. but one can only do so much of those... Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the break. I am sure that you are thinking... is she crazy... no, it really begins to wear on your emotions when all you have known for for so long is mom or wife... I am lucky that I get to see them on wednesday nights at church ... it gets harder and harder every week to leave them when I go to stay with them...
Well, so you are updated and I am sure you are tired of all my messes in life... hehehehehe....
I hope you enjoyed this view into my life in the three digit heat?!... check back for updates... and please pray for me be able to join my family soon... Have blessed day and my God guard and protect yah and your crews...hehehehehe

****DO YOU KNOW JESUS BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU. God knows every hair on your head (Luke 12:6-8 NIV:Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows), and he gave his only son for you John 3:16 KJV-For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.)
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